How to convey emotion naturally.

Lesson #7: Be Wary of ‘Feeling’ Words and Adverbs


Takamaru was fuming. He couldn’t believe that Hiroko had hidden his passport. “Give it back to me,” he said angrily.


In this sentence from a book which I will never write (I'm Martin from the Reedsy team, by the way), our lead character's emotions are directly stated. This is helpful to move the story forward, since knowing Taka’s emotional state lets us understand his next move. But being told a character’s emotional state and getting the reader to relate to his emotion are two different things: relating to emotion is just a step away from actually feeling it — the ultimate goal for any writer.


Today we're going to examine not just why telling emotions is counter-productive but how to show emotions without swerving off the cliffs of melodrama. Let's get to it!

No one ever thinks to themselves, “I’m so sad!”

At its core, this part of the show, don’t tell rule is all about realism. The best stories are the ones that invite readers to sink so deeply into the experience that they — even just for a moment — forget that it’s not real. This sense of immersion comes when your readers feel the same things that your characters do. 


But no one is going to experience sadness just because you say, "John was very sad." They might feel a bit of empathy for John, but they won't be sharing in his sadness.


How often do you stop and put a name to the emotion you’re feeling? Especially in the middle of an intense reaction, you’re not exactly going to stop and declare, “This makes me really happy!” Usually, you just react to it. You say, “That’s amazing!” or “Finally!” or even just shout with glee or do a happy dance.


The people around you don't need to be told that the news made you happy. They can see it in your body language, the joyful tone of your voice, the way your eyes light up, or how much you're biting your lip to keep from grinning.


Trust your readers to see your character's reaction, too. Rather than using emotional adjectives like "thrilled," "displeased," or "tormented," stop and picture how you react when you're feeling those things. 


So long as you bring the right sort of reaction to the page, your readers will understand what's going on. Just keep an eye on the language you use so your characters aren't reacting to everything with the same five expressions — this is one area where you'll want to mix things up. And be sure not to slip back into telling with phrases like "he slammed the table angrily" — the verb itself should be enough to convey the emotion.

Listen to the voice in your head

Okay, but what if your character isn’t as effusive as some people? Or if they’re trying to hide their feelings from those around them? Don’t you sometimes need their inner monologue to reflect their subtler or more buried feelings?


Even internal reactions can (and should) be shown. Again, stop and think about the way you react to things. What sort of thoughts run through your head? What are the physical sensations of fear, or anger, or joy?


Keep in mind that words like "thought," "felt," or "understood" are all telling words. And while it's sometimes necessary to use them (more on that in lesson 9), we also want you to show us the character's thought process as Michael Chabon does in The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay:


“Can you tell me what you were doing in California” said Sammy. “Or is that confidential information too?”
“I was crossing over from Japan.”
“Japan!” Sammy was sick with envy. He had never gone farther on his soda-straw legs than Buffalo, never undertaken a crossing more treacherous than that of the flatulent poison-green ribbon that separated Brooklyn from Manhattan.


While Chabon first tells us that Sammy was "sick with envy," he then shows us why — allowing the reader to understand his state of mind.


That's all for today's lesson! Tomorrow, we'll hand things back to Savannah, who will take us deeper into how to show without going overboard with the dreaded "purple prose." 


— Martin


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